Some Nights
by Hazaazel
Summary: This is it, boys, this is war - what are we waiting for? Why don't we break the rules already? / War - the war was terrible, but surviving in the aftermath may be worse. (mostly me writing various hq pairings and lots of sadness). Sort of Songfic with the lyrics of Some Nights from Fun as prompts. M rating for character death, violence and minor sexual content.
1. Bad luck

... Yes, Christmas, the holiday of joy an family and food. The holiday that I am totally not writing for since I got this fic idea in my mind and I can't write anything else. this can be considered as a Songfic, since I'm using the lyrics from Some Nights by Fun as prompts for each chapter. I'll tag each chapter with the proper ships and warnings, because these are going to be short and shift pov a lot, but the global warnings are: war, violence, injuries, character death...

So, if you're ready for 18 chapters of totally undeserved awful stuff happening to the HQ characters, let's go !

Kageyama/Hinata, no special warnings

* * *

 ** _Some nights I stay up, cashing in my bad luck_**

Taking care of Kageyama is kinda like taking care of Natsu. Except that Natsu was always moving around when she got a fever, because the bed was too hot and she was too bored, whereas Kageyama could be _dead_ – no, they're not _dead_ , not yet, not if Shouyou can help it.

"Bakayama, I made soup !"

No, his voice isn't quivering and his stomach is not grumbling with hunger or fear or a weird mix of the two. Kageyama doesn't answer, they even stopped complaining about the pain some days ago. Which can't be good, now that Shouyou thinks about it. Kageyama is going to need more than soup. Medicine, but those are crazy expensive – alright, he doesn't care, he'll never save up enough to buy Natsu back from the Snatchers anyway, so might as well make good use of his money-box.

"What are you doing ?"

They haven't spoken in three days, their throat is raspy and they have foul breath, they're upset, they're alive and gorgeous and awake, Shouyou can't breathe.

"That's the money for Natsu. D'you finally have enough ?"

"Don't get up, you're still weak ! I'm just going out to try and find you food. But I'll be back soon, ok ? Wait for me."

"I can't move, idiot."

And Shouyou is about to take advantage of that.

oo

 _Fuck fuck fuck he has to run faster,_ faster _, Kageyama will catch up later because this is insane – people fighting over a bag of_ food _and just leaving it_ here _, where anybody, well, fast people anyway, could snatch it. Just like he did. This alley is a dead end but he jumped over that fence_ at least _twice, and Kageyama knows the other way around the building, so they'll meet in the hole like they usually do and everything will be ok. Just a few more meters, just a few more –_ yes _, he's made it to the other side of the fence, he can-_

 _Kageyama's voice is shouting something he doesn't need to understand, he sees the man right in front of him. He has his hair in a bun and would look sorta nice if he weren't two meters tall and clutching that gigantic sack in his hands._ Fucking hell he needs to run _, faster than this, faster than the man and his unfairly long legs, back to Kageyama so they can do that weird quick thing they always do. So they can be back home safe._

 _After this, everything becomes a blur of rushed breaths and sharp turns and blood, so much blood when Kageyama's leg gets stuck somewhere. He has to pull hard to get it out of the – barbed wire, this is_ bad _– he limps the rest of the way home, eventually collapsing on the bed like he will never move again._

oo

How could he forget about Children Snatchers when they're what got him into this mess in the first place ? It took an _hour_ , an _actual_ hour, to get to Kenma's place, which is barely five blocks away, because of freaking _patrols_ and even a bombing alert.

"Shouyou ?"

"Don't worry, nobody saw me, I just want-"

"I'm not selling you anything."

"Kenma, I'm not here for the drugs. I need painkillers. And maybe medicine for… infections ? What do you need when you open your leg on barbed wire ?"

"More stuff than you can afford."

And yeah, even will _all_ of his savings, some gold wire he found on the ground, and a protein bar, it's far from being enough. Kenma is probably lowering the price for him, because Kenma would do that. He ends up buying some medicine Kenma says will help, but no painkillers, and he doesn't have a single cent left. What Kenma is going to do with all the money he collects is beyond him, so Shouyou just headbutts him gently on the shoulder to let Kenma know he appreciates the effort he made.

Kageyama is sitting up with a scowl, the money-box open next to them. An ugly mix of relief and anger washes over their face when Shouyou gets the medicine out of his bag, and bread that isn't mouldy yet. It's not much, but it's a feast for the two little lonely crows they are, and any complaint about "What is Natsu going to do ?" dies on their lips. Kageyama kisses him on the nose before they go to sleep, curling up in his arms a bit more – "We're not spooning only for the warmth, right ?" "Well, duh. You're pretty stupid, you know. Though I'll admit it's a nice bonus." – and tells him they're sorry.

"Shut up, Bakayama. No need to uselessly save money if you're not- if you don't-"

Shouyou doesn't sleep that night, and Kageyama doesn't stop shivering like Kenma said he would, and the thought that maybe his _friend_ gave him a fake medicine that will kill Tobio is enough to make him want to rip the world apart.


	2. Draw

_**Some nights I call it a draw**_

Noya is hidden under some rubbish pile on the road, because even though they can run faster than Snatchers, there is no way Suga is risking their life for food. This, now sounds great, a nice deal – someone is walking down the road, they look rather weak, if Suga can just offer some "help" and run away with the heavy bag they're carrying… Suga hopes it's food. Or goods. Anything valuable, anything he can get some sort of profit off. They're not starving, because apparently Suga is too charming to be left to die, but if they can put enough money aside to buy Noya back from the Snatchers, should they ever catch him, they'll both sleep better.

It isn't even a question, Noya will get captured, every kid ends up in the Snatcher Sack one day or another, and this has Suga's smile all cramped on his lips when he gets closer to the bag – the person carrying a bag. The women must have met himalready, because she drops her bag without a sound and turns back to run. Which is good, he can release their grip on his switchblade now.

Or he can't, shouldn't have, the thought whirls out of Suga's head as he's tackled to the ground by someone way stronger than him. His arm is bent back at an awkward angle, the switchblade flew some feet away when the man stomped on his arm. And there he goes, he's going to die because of a too good to be true bag of maybe valuable stuff. Pathetic.

"Iwa-chan, don't !"

Suga knows that voice. Suga would have died to hear that voice again and is probably going to die right now when he finally does hear it again, but the metal bat is going away and not near their face – he's not breathing anymore.

"Koushi ! It's you ! It's really you ! I'm so glad !"

Tooru is peppering kisses all over his face, Tooru is here and safe and so alive – his knee is wrapped up in so many layers of cloth Suga can only tell it has swelled a lot because he knows what to search for and he still can't breathe, but Tooru is alive-

"Shittykawa, we need to go, I saw that tall Snatcher you were worried about."

"Fuck. Fuck, Hajime, we need to run. Koushi, I love you, I love you, I'll find you back again, I'm sorry, I love you-"

Muscled man grabs Tooru under the arm, half carries him out of the street, and they're gone. Suga can hear the low whistle of bombs falling and his voice crying at the boy on the other side of the street that he has to run, or they're both going to die, and that they'll see each other again.

The bag isn't even here anymore, he didn't notice if anyone took it away with them, but he's probably not noticing a lot of things if Noya is the one shaking his shoulder because they still have a long walk until they reach the next safehouse.

"That was… Oikawa, right ?"

"Yeah."

Suga can't stop shaking, should be starting to breathe because the tightening in his chest is never a good sign, but he can't. Noya is still here, through, wringing their hands, shooting wild glances around – yeah, Muscles talked about a Snatcher.

"Let's go, we need some rest."

* * *

I have some more hc on that :  
\- Noya is not actually a kid but short enough that the Snatchers will try and capture them anyway  
\- Oikawa switched from "Iwa-chan" to "Hajime" the day his knee gave up and Iwaizumi just sighed and carried him on his back to their safe spot, and took care of him until he could limp again  
\- Suga met Noya while they were fleeing from the bombing sites and since they had both lost their parents, they decided to wait together for them to show up, until there were so many Snatchers around they just couldn't stay in the same place too long anymore

I realised putting the tags before the chapters could kind of spoil some stuff so I'll stop doing that. The warnings for the whole story remain: violence, war, injuries, character death...

I hope you enjoyed this chapter ! I'll try posting more regularly (or, writing the chapters regularly and not two at a time then none for days...)


	3. I wish that my lips could build a castle

_**Some nights I wish that my lips could build a castle**_  
 _ **Some nights I wish they'd just fall off**_

"Akaashi, fuck, the soup is insane !"

They made it from scratch, actually, a little bit of water and some chicken bone they don't even remember saving for later, but Bokuto is making soft hooting noises and seeping it like some demigod offered him ambrosia. Which probably is close to what he is thinking, if the twinkle in his eyes means anything. Bokuto can be close to cute, sometimes, if Keiji stops to think about it.

"It would be better is it tasted like food. But hey, I haven't swallowed anything in, like, days, I certainly don't mind."

Nope, Bokuto is still as dense.

oo

Keiji swears murder is going to happen soon if Bokuto doesn't stop rocking back and forth in his bed. They know it's probably because of a nightmare, and that they're being somewhat rude, but... everyone has nightmares now. Panic attacks are pretty much a standardised thing. There would be PTSD diagnosed absolutely everywhere if there were still doctors around. Keiji hasn't slept for more than two hours and they need sleep. Bokuto rocking back and forth while he tries to calm down is making the entire bunk bed rattle.

"Stop that."

It's quieter than a snap but not exactly gentle, far from gentle, Keiji is too tired to care. The bed-rattling stop immediately, and eventually Keiji goes back to sleep. When they wake up, the lower bunk is empty and there is noise in the kitchen. Bokuto flinches when he sees them, flinches again when they open their mouth to comment on his bloodshot eyes, so they end up not saying anything. Keiji fucked up, didn't they.

oo

"Koutarou ?"

Bokuto lights up, even his hair seems to stand straighter on his head, and he takes the time to smile broadly before answering that yes, he'll definitely take a second plate of whatever they're eating today. That was a good thing to say, Bokuto finally snapped out of whatever bad mood he was in, and Keiji thinks his first name doesn't sound that weird on their tongue after all.

oo

"Keiji ? I'm in love with you ?"

They don't know what the question mark is here for, but it's unnecessary. Bokuto has been very clear about that already, so they must be aware of their feelings.

"And, you know, I did try my best-"

"Bokuto-san. I don't really care about that."

"Oh, yeah, ok. I just wanted to say..."

Keiji tunes it out after that, because Bokuto probably wants them to say yes to something or listen to his feelings or talk about their feelings. When Bokuto's speech is over they make some noise that could be a yes, but-

"Hmm, I knew you'd say that. If you ever feel like leaving, though, and I know you do, I mean, you just agreed," no they didn't, they weren't listening, but they can't admit that now, "I probably won't stop looking for you until. Until I do stop, I suppose."

This is not what they were supposed to say, but they make that same "maybe-yes-no" noise and Bokuto seems happy enough with that answer.

oo

Bokuto's hand is cold, very cold, they don't know why. They're just grasping it and listening to the soft stream of "Keiji, Keiji, Keiji" coming out of Bokuto's lips. And trying very hard to ignore the angry red spot slowly spreading larger and larger on his leg, it's only the leg, Bokuto can make it, he's always been strong – another spot, on his chest, Keiji forgets about that idea.

"Keiji ? Keiji. I think I'm hurt."

Keiji thinks that telling white lies is becoming a better idea.

"Hey, don't worry, Bokuto-san. You'll rest for a bit. I'll go make soup."

Bokuto laughs at that, a tiny wheezing sound. It's not his usual laughter, it sounds ugly, but Keiji is too distracted to comment.

"Right. Keiji, can you fetch my tiny green bag ? It's in the larger one."

They do, and Bokuto retrieves a vial with trembling hands. That's not what he was looking for, though, he just sets it aside and takes out a picture.

"I should have given it to you earlier but I never found the right moment. You can keep it."

Kenma playing video games on his couch, Kuroo, with a sly grin, petting his hair, and them, looking with a fond smile. Bokuto took the picture, the edges are shaky and one finger with yellow nail polish stains is showing. Kenma and Kuroo. He had almost forgotten about them, so far away in Tokyo, too far away to care, but Bokuto was there when the bombings started – he must have left the city looking for them.

"Keiji, I love you, ok ? I'm not even sure I actually do but I want you to believe me anyway." He takes a deep breath, like he's going to dive underwater, "I also want you to go back to the house. Don't come looking for me, I'll just- I'll leave- yeah, that's it, I'll leave. You won't see me again."

"Bokuto-san," he's not listening, he's blindly reaching for the vial, "that's medicine, right ?"

"It'll help. Don't worry, Kenma got it for me."

"Ok. I'll come back in an hour. Koutarou. Don't do anything stupid."

He smiles, he laughs – there it is, the raucous laugh, with only a little bit of wheezing. Keiji leaves with their hands shaking, and they're not sure they're coming back.

* * *

I hadn't actually planned that. I hope I can write a death scene, though. (what do you mean it's too late and I already did)


	4. I still see your ghost

_**But I still wake up, I still see your ghost**_  
 _ **Oh Lord I'm still not sure what I stand for**_

Some kid is laughing, and it's so obviously, _painfully_ not her, but Kiyoko still turns around and walks towards the junkyard. "Makki, Makki !" Now, the kid is shouting, it's so easy to twist the sounds a little and pretend for a moment that she'll be here too, playing in the dirt with the three boys, when she walks past the garbage pile.

"Oh, Yahaba, look ! The beautiful lady came back !"

He is the youngest of the three, but also the more mature, and he thanks Kiyoko politely before splitting the food she brought in four equal parts – "Don't lie, we're sure you didn't eat anything yesterday. Thank you for the food !"

It's not a problem, food isn't that hard to find when your father used to own a store and died leaving most of the canned food preserved in a cellar. Not letting people know you have a huge stock is a bit harder. Not letting Yachi give away the whole stock to stray children is hard, too – was hard. Kiyoko can picture her smile, wobbly and tiny, how her hair would inexplicably raise on her head when she was excited. Yachi had gathered the kids here, there used to be even more, but Kiyoko can't seem to attract any – or, the Snatchers figured out where they were. She still can't say no to Yachi, even though she's- not here. Dead.

"I'll come back tomorrow, ok ?"

"Yeah ! Thank you, pretty lady !"

"Mattsun, please, be polite."

"Makki, so mean ! No respect for your elders !"

oo

She can't. She can't get out, she can't face Tooru right now.

"Yacchan ! I saw you around here, like, two weeks ago !"

Two weeks ? No, it's been months, years since Yachi died in that stupid accident, not weeks – Yachi would smile, a wobble little thing, and look at her like she was some sort of goddess and of course she would open the door and fight anything that came her way without a speck of dust landing on her shoulders.

"Yacchan, I really really hope you're not out, because I kinda have a knee problem again ? I could use that cooling pad of yours."

She would probably smile at her, the thought helps Kiyoko get up and open the door.

"Kiyoko ? Where is Yacchan ?"

oo

Tooru didn't cry, didn't shout or get upset, didn't even complain when she tied the bandage too tight around his knee. They didn't say anything and Kiyoko thought he could feel it too, the faint presence, as if Yachi was still here.

"You should move on," Tooru had said before leaving, as if he knew.

Yachi.

She's not saying anything, not making a sound, the dead don't answer and don't like to be disturbed.

Yachi.

She never says anything, Asahi is quiet too when he comes to visit, a gigantic bag at his feet, and no words of comfort in his mouth.

Yachi.

Kiyoko is slowly, silently drowning in a memory.

oo

"You should move on." Kiyoko is actually going to follow that advice, because Tooru gives good advice, it's just that she has things to do before she leaves this place. The walk to the junkyard is as short as always, the old Ukai waving her hello as she crosses the street. Save for a few more piles of garbage, the junkyard is empty, and Ukai tells her the kids haven't been seen in three days. That's when Asahi last visited, with his bag full of rope. He had looked down, so down, but Kiyoko hadn't thought much of it at the moment. Asahi had been down since Noya ran away, according to him, disappeared, according to Yachi. Asahi wouldn't do this, Asahi is gentle. Why is the junkyard empty, then ?

oo

It's not just the junkyard. Kiyoko isn't even home yet, but the smoke curling above the buildings comes from her block, she knows it. The old Ukai has his hand on her arm, she hadn't noticed but she jumps at the sound of his voice.

"Don't go back, girl. They'll catch you too if they're still here."

Kiyoko can only nod. Yachi is nowhere to be seen, and for the first time, she is thankful.


	5. Most nights I don't know anymore

I'm writing happy stuff I swear *sweats* *this is Not Happy*

* * *

 _ **What do I stand for ? What do I stand for ?**_

 _ **Most nights, I don't know anymore**_

The candle is slowly dying, but it smells really nice – of course Yamaguchi would have scented candles made from some grass they found on the ground. Of course, he would leave some in Kei's room, because they spent most of their time here anyway. Or because they knew they'd leave and Kei would need something to wake up in the morning when things get too overwhelming. Sometimes, Kei hates Yamaguchi.

Someone is shouting in the street below his window, and Kei can't bring himself to sit up. He hasn't been out in two days, which means he hasn't eaten in two days, and he is exhausted. When the third day comes and Yamaguchi still hasn't showed up, still hasn't come home, Kei gets up and trades all of the scented candles for flour and protein bars.

Five weeks. Yamaguchi has never been out this long – the silly Resistance guy had said "Well of course, they're gone to bomb a train station, have you seen trains anywhere near this city in the last decade ?" That's when it hit him. Yamaguchi had left. Not just gone away, returned to their room like they would when fights happened, they were _gone._ Miles away. It took twice the amount of protein bars to buy a single scented candle back.

Yamaguchi is probably saying something silly like "Tsukki, I'm back !" but he can't hear a thing over the blood rushing to his head and the deafening sounds his lungs make. Yamaguchi's fingers lightly carding through his hair make it worse, somehow, and it takes a while for Kei to calm down. He can't raise his head after that, can't see the hurt in Yamaguchi's eyes when he flinches away from every move. Kei sends them home after only a few minutes, with a lame comment, "You must be tired", that Yamaguchi understands – as always – and they leave. Tomorrow, tomorrow Kei will get up and actually do something.

oo

Kei would give anything, anything to feel the clammy fingers in his hair once again. It's late, it's so late, the sun might actually be peeking out of the clouds and Kei hasn't slept in three days, hasn't eaten in two, has almost burnt the house down when he forgot the candle was lit and threw it on the ground because it still smelled like Yamaguchi.

 _"I love you ! I love you, do you hear me ?"_

 _Of course Kei can hear. Nobody is speaking, even the birds fell silent when the army cars drove in and parked in front of the building. "I can't run, Tsukki, it's too late for this. I knew the risk when I decided to go there." Kei didn't, Kei would have never let him leave if he had known about the dynamite and the stupid, stupid Resistance plan – he would have known if he actually attended t the meetings like Yamaguchi told him to but it's too late now, Kei is always too late._

Kei doesn't even lack food. Everything Yamaguchi had managed to save, canned food and fabric and more scented candles than the Resistance knew what to do with, everything is now Kei's. "'t was their will, y'know ?" Ukai didn't look too happy about that, handing the food reluctantly "They were good. We'll respect their will." Kei wanted to shout and scream and say they weren't dead yet – oh god, he hoped they were dead, at least then they'd be safe.

 _"Don't panic, ok- no, let me go- I love you !"_

Is Kei making this up ? Is Kei pretending, once again, shaping reality into something that suits him best ? Maybe Yamaguchi didn't even say anything, maybe Kei is trying to put everything he said into Yamaguchi's mouth so he can feel better about it, the feeling clawing at his chest and tearing at his stomach.

 _"I love you, Kei ! I love you !"_

 _I know, me too, I've always loved you, I've always loved you, please don't go._

Kunimi had rand like Kei had never seen him, fast and deadly and angered, but the soldier that held Kindaichi down had casually punched him out of the way, and closed the door of the army van – "Get away kid, or we're taking you too." Kei hadn't even moved, hadn't even turned to look at Yamaguchi, looking at the floor like his life depended on it. Fuck. What kind of shitass friend was he to mess up like that ?

 _"I love you, Kei."_

It wouldn't have hurt to answer that he did too.


	6. This is it, boys, this is war

_**This is it, boys, this is war**_

 _ **What are we waiting for ?**_

"So, I'd say it went great !"

A collective groan is Daichi's only answer. Usually, Tanaka is the one with the shit eating grin when they're all exhausted like this, hands on their knees, panting because they "just ran through half the town, Sawamura, you can't expect us to breathe properly after that". Tanaka is the one making them do dumb things, like steal food or clothes and even a car when there was still oil around. Today, their pockets are full, no one is running and shouting. Daichi feels great.

"Ennoshita, look at all I managed to grab !" Tanaka is loud, always loud, handing him some food, laughing. Their pockets are full, their stomachs soon will be, it's exhilarating and Daichi can't stop laughing.

"I can't believe you made us do this, Sawamura ! That's- that's a month worth of _army food_ !"

"Yup."

"We stole it from, like, _right under their nose_."

"Totally."

Narita and Kinoshita are breathless but smiling at each other, Ennoshita is giggling in the background, Tanaka would probably have their shirt off if it wasn't stuffed with food, and Daichi waves happily at the old man on the other side of the street. Today is _fucking great_.

oo

Tanaka's sister can be _terrifying._

"You did WHAT ?!"

She has won, without cheating, every competition they ever made, from arm-wrestling to shoplifting, and she is the only one out of the six of them that could actually drive the car they stole.

"From the _army_ ? Do you have _any idea_ of how _dangerous_ that is ?! You're going to be the _death_ of me."

Saeko looks down on them just long enough to seem stern, before she breaks out into laughter, unwraps a protein bar and grumbles about her "stupid hot headed little bros." It's the signal they were waiting for – it's a feast for crows, tasteless canned beans and floury bars, but a feast nonetheless, and they haven't eaten is so, so long – they would have devoured it all if Ennoshita hadn't said stop when the nausea began. They have food for a month after all.

oo

Sometimes, Daichi thinks they're lucky. Or at least, that this is payback in some sort of twisted way. When they walk past the corpse of a random guy, a weird stripe of yellow on his shaven head – "What a lame city boy look," Tanaka says – Daichi is reminded that they can eat, now, that they can steal, now, that what they learned on the streets is now the most precious knowledge.

When he sees the little blond girl taken down by the army soldier, Daichi remembers that Saeko is taller and stronger and more of a fighter than she'll ever be, this dying girl as fragile as a flower.

There are crows as large as dogs in the streets, feasting on corpses, just like them.

"Guys ! I found us shoes !"

Narita's bat is covered in dust and blood – he _fought_ for these boots, Daichi doesn't even spare a thought for the person lying unconscious or dead in a dark alley, just pats Narita on the back, because Kinoshita could use a new pair of shoes. Saeko is smiling, sharp and ferocious, if it used to be out of place, it isn't anymore.

oo

Army men, their boots heavy on the ground, everywhere in the streets. There is no moon but Daichi is sure these are the soldiers sent to the front, even though it's far from here and it's pitch dark outside – the soldiers start shooting, then, bullets tearing open shops and houses and people. It's quieter than Daichi would have expected, tired _tired_ citizen dropping like flies. This is the last straw, for most, after the months of rationing and dread and war distantly seen through the newspapers. Tanaka is clawing at Ennoshita's back, Kinoshita hovering over Narita, shielding him from view, they're all pressed against Saeko. She looks so fierce, Daichi thinks for a second, like this mother lion he saw in a documentary, when he was still roaming the streets alone and stores still had TVs on display. He was nine, and she was so incredibly taller, with her fourteen years old, that Daichi had stopped questioning Tanaka's unshakable belief that their sister was the best person ever. Even now, as she trembles with fear and has her cheeks hollowed from too many days without food, she looks at him, cocks her head with a smile, and says "After that raid, I'm sure there'll be plenty to scavenge !", and there is.

* * *

I think Daichi would make such a nice gang leader (Tanaka being the very very invested member), but Saeko would appear right behing them, grin, and _yep_ they found a new leader. Saeko is awesome. (Let's also all forget that she can't drive that well, shall we ?)


	7. Try twice as hard

_**I was never one to believe the hype**_

 _ **Save that for the black and white**_

 _ **I try twice as hard and I'm half as liked,**_

 _ **But here they come again to jack my style**_

This is not. This is _not_ happening. Inuoka is lying on the ground, face in the dirt, _not moving_ , so _not moving_ Tetsurou's nails are digging holes in the stone of his spot on the wall.

"Dude ! I'm telling you, we can't leave him here, he deserves a better grave. Help me move him to the junkyard."

"Kou. He's. He's _dead._ He can't be dead."

"Bro, we've been at war for what feels like forever now, of course people can end up dead."

Tetsurou is still not moving, even when Bokuto tugs hard on his sleeve to make him climb down the wall. Inuoka is dead, _dead,_ he hasn't seen Akaashi in weeks, or Iwaizumi, Yaku is missing, and he counted on them to be back. He _needs_ them back. Fuck this war, fuck what people are saying, _this is not happening_.

oo

Lev is smiling, and it's so far from their usual bright smile that Tetsurou starts to understand that something is wrong. Very wrong, because Lev's shoulders are shaking – are they actually _crying_ ? His first thought is for Kenma, but Kenma is knocked out on his bed, two feet away, sleep made heavy by his small blue pills. It's been five minutes, Lev still hasn't stopped crying, and Tetsurou is at loss for words.

"Kageyama's not coming back, right ? Neither is Shouyou, I suppose, he ran after them as soon as they were out of the door."

Well. No, they probably aren't. Kageyama never got along with anyone except the shrimp, and these two would probably get lost even before they manage to leave the city. Tetsurou should probably worry, but even though Hinata is small, he can manage. Kenma is almost as small and manages, even with the panic and the nightmares and the thugs in the streets. Lev is still crying, it takes them several more minutes to stop. Tetsurou is surprised by the sharpness of their eyes when they turn to him, scanning his face for something they don't seem to find.

"If I decided to go find them, you wouldn't even try to stop me, wouldn't you ?"

"Why would I ? You know your way back. There's a bed for you here. Kenma needs you, though."

Lev snorts at that, face red and twisted and angry. They get up, towering over Tetsurou like a tall lanky cat, all limbs and bristled fur. _Something_ is happening, Tetsurou _should_ say something, but this isn't like teaching Tsukki how to ride a bike. He can't just throw an arm over Lev's shoulders and expect them to believe him, grin like a cat so that nobody wonders about what he is actually doing. Tetsurou doesn't have answers, actual solutions to a problem – he makes people realise they have the solution, and Lev has none.

oo

"Erm, Kenma ? Who's this ?"

The small child, he really _is_ small, is clutching Kenma's shirt reluctantly and lets go to run towards Tetsurou as soon as he is inside the shop. Kenma's whole face pinches, and he mutters something to the tall man next to him. The kid looks like a deer caught in the headlights, eyes looking wildly from one side of the room to the other, clutching _Tetsurou's_ leg and hiding behind him.

"Takeru, stay with Kuroo, alright ? Let's talk in another room."

They get out, and Kenma shoots him a cold glance Tetsurou doesn't know what to make of. Takeru is still shaking with fear, and sobs as soon as the door closes behind Kenma's back – ok, this, he can handle.

"Hey hey hey, small one, don't cry, tell me what's happening."

"They- they- the tall man- he's-"

Tetsurou eventually manages to understand that Takeru is lost, should be on the other side of the town waiting for his uncle Tooru, and that the short guy – Tetsurou stops him at that, says that Kenma is small, and nice, and probably not doing the evil deeds Takeru thinks he's doing. Tetsurou should probably feel offended a ten year old kid just shot him a look as disbelieving as Lev's. He directs him towards the back door anyway, because more tall men have begun to crowd in front of the shop – "What are you selling here anyway," asks Takeru, and Kuroo is not very willing to answer the question. Especially since he doesn't have all the answers himself. The kid leaves with a "Yeah, sure" when Tetsurou tells him to stay safe, and avoid thugs, "like it's even possible." Since when is everyone smarter than him ?

When he tells Kenma the kid is gone, he gets a venomous look he wasn't prepared for. Kenma softens almost immediately, saying it's no big deal, that he'll manage without the money and that the kid wasn't even that annoying. That's when it finally clicks – Tetsurou is an idiot. Kenma is talking to Snatchers.

Days later, Kenma is back to selling whatever medication he can sell to people asking for it, and Tetsurou to roaming the streets for anything left behind he can sell, which is not much, not enough. This is war, this is chaos, this is the time for lopsided grins and eternal bedheads and behaviour too shiny that reeks of ease, and yet Tetsurou isn't sure he was made for this.

* * *

Kuroo's not dealing well with this, is he ?


	8. Martyr in my bed

_**That's alright**_

 _ **I found a martyr in my bed tonight**_

 _ **She stops my bones from wondering just who I am, who I, who I am**_

 _ **Who am I ? Oh, who am I ?**_

Yui usually has a strict policy – the trash is taken _out,_ _not_ in, no matter how much money they have. Or rather, they never have enough money to compensate their level of trash, which leads Yui to kindly lead them to the door, and hope she won't have to use her metal bat to remind people that this is _her_ business, _her_ choices.

"You probably can't even afford to spice up your tea. Hell, I'm sure you can't afford tea. Or even water."

This is a different kind of trash, garbage washed out of the ocean, polished until it shone so bright the stars would pale, dirt on perfect hair and skin and empty blue eyes that sucked the breath out of her. Yui should probably add something to her rule – "I can decide to keep some trash around, in case it's not trash after all". This excuse sounds great.

oo

A shower later, and Yui is not regretting her decision. She is, however, reconsidering calling the absolutely gorgeous girl sleeping in her bed "trash", because something so beautiful _cannot possibly_ be called trash.

"So, what have you done that made you end up in my bed of all places ?"

It's not that her bed is bad, Yui actually has a very nice bed, thank you very much, the clients pay for it after all, and Pretty Trash wouldn't even sleep in it if she wasn't such a nice eye candy. Pretty Trash is a blushing mess, answering questions with a pinched face, as few words as possible, and never actually looking at Yui in the eye, but it's alright, she used to be like that, a little, when she was still five and Daichi was still around. It's amazing someone could live through years of war and still behave like… like someone _pure,_ pure is the word, this girl is pure like crystal water and the chuckle Yui manages to get from her is worth enough for a few more nights. And maybe a meal or two. Yui is feeling generous.

oo

It's been two days, and Pretty Trash keeps passing out – on the bed, on the table, on the porch, Yui almost feels like she's abusing a youngster when she runs her fingers down Kiyoko's ribcage or up her neck. So fragile, so small, yet, Yui feels she could be as sharp as broken glass if she was in better condition. She keeps feeding her, but Kiyoko smiles her small smile, that lights up the whole room anyway, and goes to eat on the porch.

oo

"You're- what the hell do you think you're going with this food ?"

"There's a junkyard over here."

That is the most awake Yui has seen her, walking decidedly until she reaches the bottom of a garbage tunnel, calling out for two small kids – "Yahaba, Mattsun, come out, I brought food." When they refuse, because of Yui, probably, Kiyoko sighs, politely asks if she can leave the plate out here. Yui says nothing, not to frighten the kids, but as soon as the door is closed behind her, she has her hands fisted in Kiyoko's shirt, a snarl on her lips.

"You're giving away _all_ the food I'm getting you, that's it ? That's why you're eating outside ?" There's nothing to answer to that, so Kiyoko just waits for Yui to take her hands out of her shirt, and eat the small slice of bread she left on the table. "You're not dying on my watch, pretty girl."

oo

The moon, or the street lamp, or some helicopter searchlight, is painting the sea anew on Kiyoko's skin. So much of it, so smooth under her hand, Yui wonders how she manages. A sigh, a sleepy sound of contentment that sounds just like when Kiyoko thanked her for providing food to the kids.

"A true martyr, aren't you."

* * *

I feel like I'm writing everything in little hints, which means half the things I want to add are kinda here but mostly not. Makki was taken by Snatchers, that's why Kiyoko isn't saying his name, and why Mattsun and Yahaba are so afraid of Yui (who probably deals with them on a regular basis because they pay well).


	9. I could use some friends for a change

I've been watching a bit of TV and. Please go watch actual volley matches if you haven't already. I saw the olympics prelims (France - Poland) and aaaah the jump serves look amazing they're so tall they're just so great ! (a spike could actually kill me I don't even understand how they can recieve without running away from the ball. These players are immensely cool ok)

* * *

 _ **Well, some nights I wish that this all would end**_

 _ **'Cause I could use some friends for a change**_

It's the second time the child with the weird yellow front hair ran away from him without even a second glance. Wakatoshi made sure he didn't have a bag this time, that he visibly had no weapon near his hands, but being tall seems enough of a threat to make everyone run away. From someone unarmed and alone. He really must be tall, and this is starting to get a little tiring.

oo

"Who is this ?"

A small girl, so small he could lift her with only one hand, just collided with his leg, and she's not scared, she's not running away. Nothing is stopping him, so Wakatoshi does kitten lift the child, and she giggles, like a butterfly sound if they made any. Of course she's lost, of course her parents are dead, but she has a big brother, he was just over there behind the junkyard, she's going to see him soon. When Wakatoshi asks her if the kid also has bright orange hair, she says yes, of course, everything is obvious with the little girl.

"I saw a kid with orange hair, but he was nowhere near here."

She tears up at that, and Wakatoshi is glad he already has his hands full with lifting her by her shirt, because comforting kids isn't something he is prepared for, but after a while she stops – sudden, like rain stopping, like she never cried, Wakatoshi is amazed.

"Tell me where he is !"

Wakatoshi points the other way, where he saw the kid scavenging an army truck that got in an "accident", he should be done by now and they'll probably cross paths. It's only when he hears her cry for help that Wakatoshi realises how stupid he is. He curses under he breath but he's too late, a group of Snatchers already has their hands on her. They're tall, like he is, and they're strong, just like him, and they're gauging her worth and deeming it enough – if she's crying for help, it means someone will look, it means someone will pay – Wakatoshi has to go, to leave before she sees him and thinks he's with them. He is not.

oo

If the girl had simply appeared and made contact with his leg, the boy, with his bright orange hair, sprouted from the concrete, some kind of strange bird, hopping-flying, shooting glances left and right before moving again. He just looks so tired, hollowed cheeks and sunken shoulders under his shirt, his sprint when he sees Wakatoshi is desperate, frantic, slow, limping, not a run at all if the boy collapses to the ground.

oo

"What the hell ?!" Small orange is exhausted, obviously, but bravely trying to get up and make a move for the door. "Kageyama, why the hell did you let that man in ? Just fucking run, you idiot !"

" _I can't run."_ The other boy looks at his leg, pointedly, and they both sigh.

Wakatoshi isn't here to sell the small one to Snatchers, but they don't believe him, especially the small one. It takes the other every ounce of his – admittedly short – patience to get him to eat Wakatoshi's protein bar. He pretends to go to bed early, so they have time to talk. He can't plan anything without knowing what he's dealing with. It's strange enough that he's sleeping in some sort of shabby cave, with two very wary kids watching his every move.

"Kageyama, why the hell did you let him in ?"

"You collapsed on the ground. You hadn't come back after three hours, do you know how worried I was ? What if you got hurt ?"

It's a hiss, but it's full of worry. Wakatoshi is facing the wall but judging from the sounds, how relaxed they both seem when the small one talks again, he assumed they have kissed.

"Ok, so, I faint, you come out. _Why is he here_ , though ?"

"He probably knows where Natsu is. He told me he knew another kid with orange hair, met her the day we lost Natsu in the junkyard."

They're silent after that, or whispering too quietly, Wakatoshi eventually falls asleep.

oo

 _The other man is tall, almost as tall as him, but his shoulders are hunched, like he's scared of being too tall. Wakatoshi thinks it's stupid, to try and appear gentle, when you have a Snatcher bag in your hands, and are therefore definitely not gentle._

 _"Er, um, I wanted to know if… I mean… would you have seen… they're small and they have that sort of yellow patch of hair ? I lost sight of them and…"_

 _Wakatoshi silences him with a glare. The man must think he is a Snatcher too, kidnapping kids and extorting money from their relatives, but he isn't. Oh, he could, he's tall, Tendou kept telling him he'd be great at this, but Wakatoshi couldn't help but think about the small orange kid. The man leaves with a defeated expression, the air around him heavy with abandonment, it makes Wakatoshi grit his teeth and renew his promise to never weaken._

oo

Wakatoshi expected it, but it doesn't mean that he's not hurt when he wakes up to an empty room, his bag empty as well. Judging from the sweet taste in his mouth, and how low the sun is in the sky, he was drugged. He's not even mad about the fact that he has nothing to eat, he can manage. The sun has set completely when Wakatoshi leaves the building, searching it thoroughly but not finding any hint of where the kids might be. He hopes the tall one is not hurting too much, moving with his leg in a bad shape.

Wakatoshi has no trouble moving, finding food in an old army warehouse, starting a fire and falling asleep, bundled in shock blankets. It does feel a bit lonely.

* * *

It's my first time writing the giant scary guy and I think it turned out ok ? I thought I wouldn't be able to write him but actually he's cool and I'll try to do it more.

I hope you enjoyed !


	10. Forget me again

I'm getting better at writing angst, I think ! (Is that even a good thing ?) (and there's actual smut in this chapter can you believe it I managed to write smut !) (and when I do this what can be better than _gifting this angst mixed with smut to someone here u go Nuity it's for u_ )

* * *

 _ **Some nights I'm scared you'll forget me again**_

 _ **Some nights I always win, I always win**_

Some nights they burn with need and want and ache, pure desire taking shape in the crook of a neck. Koutarou sets himself on fire with the touch of a tongue, laps and licks and soothes, Akaashi, Akaashi, he whispers their name like a prayer, like a plea to make them stay, that Akaashi answers by carving moans on his collarbones. Koutarou knows he sounds desperate, he truly is, if Akaashi left again – he doesn't have to think about it when Akaashi has skin as soft as silk and kisses that taste of eternity.

oo

Akaashi. If Koutarou had one more word to say, one word for the rest of his life, one word before he closed his eyes forever, it would be "Akaashi". He would tell the whole world, scream himself hoarse until Kuroo stopped him, run and seek and cry until he found them, and die at their feet. Koutarou didn't think he'd get this far, hadn't planned on _actually_ finding them and seeing them _alive_ and _breathing_ and so _gorgeous_ it hurt – Akaashi, _Akaashi,_ where did they go, _why_ did they go, didn't they _know_ how much he'd miss them ? That even if he was told not to, he couldn't help but follow ?

oo

Some nights are slow, but just as desperate. Akaashi slowly mapping his skin with their teeth, each red line and angry kiss and love bite an 'I love you'. Akaashi breathing his name, thin and fragile and soft, so soft, like they would break if pulled apart further, if Koutarou didn't sped up the movements of his hips and the rhythm of his kisses. Akaashi, clawing at his skin, as if etching the shape of their nails on the small of his back would be enough, more than what they could wish for anyway. Slow like sweat dripping, intense like the furnace in the pits of their stomachs, this isn't sex, it's love making, it's names whispered like a treasure and maybe Koutarou can be sure he'll wake up curled in Akaashi's arms if they look at him like he means the world to them.

oo

When Akaashi left, Koutarou thought – no, he didn't _think,_ he sank to his knees and wept until he realised Akaashi probably hadn't thought of him before deciding to go. They had simply left, nothing holding them back, and Koutarou never asked for the truth, not knowing what would hurt more between being forgotten or being deliberately left behind. It doesn't matter, now that he found them, but Koutarou still shivers when Akaashi pretends to be listening to him and answers nonsense, or when they don't say goodbye before walking out the door.

oo

Some nights are quiet, the silence barely broken by the rustle of the sheets. Quiet adoring exploration, fingers bumping on new scars, absent-mindedly tracing letters and shape and promises, hoping the other doesn't notice, doesn't understand, doesn't try to. Akaashi, so beautiful in the moonlight, Koutarou would whisper it endlessly, until his lips bled, until Akaashi stopped him, until he cried himself to sleep and dreamt of waking up to cold sheets. He often does, Akaashi is a morning person after all, never really liked to cuddle, so he drinks courage from their lips like ambrosia while they're still close, hoping it lasts long enough to pull him out of bed.

oo

Sometimes, Koutarou takes the picture out and smiles – only when Keiji is away, only when they can't see, Koutarou would feel selfish for not giving the picture to them like he planned to but what if Keiji never comes back ? What if they leave, what if they're killed, this time ? Koutarou is not strong enough to search through the whole town just for a glimpse and a farewell. Kenma looks so peaceful on this picture, with his console lighting his face, safely tucked under Kuroo's chin, and Kuroo looks _happy_ – not that he isn't, now, more than he should be. Keiji is smiling at him and waving their arm a little and this horrible yellow nail polish is _Koutarou's._ Keiji is looking at him like they belong, like forever is not a question but a reality, like _of course_ he will never forget this afternoon and they'll talk about it for years to come – like Keiji hasn't forgotten now that Kenma and Kuroo are in some place far away, probably alive, barely, but _not here_.

Koutarou hates this picture, hates the war, and hates himself even more when Akaashi comes back and looks at him, empty eyed, without a word.


	11. What do I stand for ?

**_But I still wake up, I still see your ghost_**

 ** _Oh, Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for_**

 ** _What do I stand for?_**

 ** _What do I stand for?_**

 ** _Most nights I don't know…_**

Hitoka is falling and Tadashi is screaming. It's a pretty good way to sum up the situation, really, there is nothing much happening, at least not to them, Tsukki is standing by their side and not saying anything because he's looking the wrong way but Tadashi sees the soldier shoot Hitoka when she comes out of the warehouse. Apart from their scream, everything falls silent, and Tadashi thinks they're dreaming – they have to be.

oo

"The Resistance ?"

"Yeah."

Tsukki is not moving an inch, he hasn't moved since Tadashi came back in the room with a fresh batch of scented candles. It's not the first time they talk about this, it always ended up in tears and screams on their part, and stubborn silence from Tsukki. Tadashi almost believes they will have to go alone, but Tsukki is getting up and packing their stuff, so it's a yes, probably.

oo

Tadashi had never held a gun, two weeks ago, but now they're shooting straight to the centre of the target. It's not even that hard to shoot sand, and thankfully, Old Ukai said they wouldn't have to use their gun for real – Tsukki actually let out a short laugh at that, and Old Ukai didn't comment like Tadashi thought he would.

oo

Of course, Tadashi thinks, of course Tsukki isn't coming to training anymore but hey, this weirdly intense person, Kageyama or something, they stopped coming too and nobody commented on anything. It means they're not trying to throw Tsukki out, at least. Training too is getting intense – there's going to be a raid, Tadashi hears, a real life action on some army base nearby, but not in this city. It's far, it's dangerous, Tadashi shudders but they're a newbie, so they probably won't have to go, right ?

oo

Tsukki pushed his glasses up his nose thrice, cleared his throat five times, but they haven't listened to anything, Tadashi is sure, he's only hearing white noise when they speak anyway, but. Just this time, Tadashi feels their gut twist, sickeningly slow, sickeningly deep, they wish they could do something more than leave flimsy candles by Tsukki's bed and gather the courage to actually kiss him, but then Kindaichi is calling their name and they have to go without even properly saying goodbye.

oo

"We're going to do what ?"

Kindaichi is the first to react but Tadashi would have, too, and they would have been hit on the head – not lightly at all, Ukai isn't doing things lightly, it seems, without Takeda to smooth his manners.

"We're bombing this way, while the decoy group will attract the army over here. I'll give you your positions tomorrow, when we're run over everything one last time. It's a once chance job, guys, we don't want to mess this up."

oo

 _It's a one chance job_ , Tadashi thinks, loud and clear, they maybe even say that aloud to the soldier that aims at them. Kindaichi shoots him before Tadashi can be hurt, just like Tadashi did with the last three soldiers. _It's a one chance job_ , they have to do this properly. The train station is deserter, obviously out of service – "When have you last seen trains ?" Tsukki had said, _why didn't they listen ?_

oo

So stupid, Tadashi is an idiot. Tsukki is in a pretty bad shape, there are burn marks everywhere on the table where he left the candles to burn out, most likely not caring in the least. They try not to shake when Tsukki tells them to go. "Tsukki, please, let me stay. I don't have long", but it remains unsaid.

oo

The army is here and Tadashi _doesn't think_. The soldier doesn't even have his arms on them yet that they're already shouting everything that comes out of their brain.

"Kei ! Kei, I love you !"

It's not your fault, I didn't want to go, I'm so sorry.

"Don't panic, ok ? Don't panic, I love you !"

Hitoka. Tadashi hadn't thought of her in weeks but Tsukki's bright yellow hair is suddenly just here and was this the reason they decided to fight ?

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Tsukki-"

Tsukki isn't even looking at them. He's not moving, probably in the middle of a panic attack and Tadashi would give anything to hug him one last time.

"Get in the van, quietly, kid."

Instead, he only has to think about the cyanide pill he was given first thing when he agreed to the mission.


	12. I sold my soul for this ?

**_So this is it. I sold my soul for this?_**

 **_Washed my hands of that for this?_**

 **_I miss my mum and dad for this?_**

How many people are there with a stupid haircut ? Asahi is startled at how easy it is to jump out of his skin because someone has their hair slicked up with gel. Who the hell has gel anymore ?

Apparently, a lot of people do, but Asahi never stays with them long enough to find where it comes from. He's here to look for Noya, after all, not for – ok, he still has to look for food, and shelter, and it takes more time than expected, more effort than expected. Staying in a group isn't that bad of an idea after all.

oo

Asahi loses Noya almost as the war begins, when everyone is shaken deep in their belief that the end will come quickly and there is no need to be afraid. Then, the bombs start falling, then, all hell breaks loose. And now the neighbour he has a crush on is dead, _vanished_ , Kiyoko tries to reassure him that Noya has to be alive somewhere, but Yachi is weary around him now – is this because of Tendou ? _Surely_ Yachi understands that in times of war, people have to do things they don't like to survive.

It doesn't mean Asahi likes to think about it, it doesn't mean that the panic attacks don't come quick when he has to get inside the army van once – _"Where are you taking my parents ?"_ – or when he gets a month's worth of food for selling the orange haired kid. The protein bar sits heavy in his bag, but heavier in his stomach, when the night comes and Asahi is all alone in the dark with no one to make fun of a trembling giant.

oo

Why exactly is that Snatcher looking down on him ? Because he doesn't look confident enough ? Asahi has gained more confidence than he thought he could muster, if it means he just walked up to this tall, tall, _menacing_ guy asking him if he ever saw Noya around. It's quickly dwindling down, crushed under the other's eyes.

Asahi can read contempt, so strong it stings, and some months ago he would have faltered, some months ago he would have never done anything that would lead him here, in a shady back alley, talking to another Snatcher. The word tastes less and less like shame, and more and more like food, though, so Asahi will manage. Even without an answer – they've seen a kid running around, and he's a bit too tall to be Noya, and his hair is all down. What if it's them, though ?

oo

"Noya ?"

Asahi doesn't say it aloud, not when he's busier telling Noya that he shouldn't run and shouldn't be afraid, but he realises his mistake when Noya does run away as fast as they can.

 _Of course they'd run away from a tall man with a bag._

Kiyoko's warehouse burnt down pretty well, and a good part of his hair went away with it, which must not add to the remembrance factor. Noya didn't even look, though, they would have recognised Asahi anywhere. They only looked at the bag, cursed, and ran away.

 _Just like they should have._

oo

It only hits him much, much later on, when there are scarcely any kids on the streets and Asahi hasn't seen food in three days – Noya would recognise him anywhere. Any shape, any face, anything would do. Noya saw him and ran away, and Asahi can't find it in himself to feel pain, to feel guilt, to feel anything at all.


	13. When I see stars, that's all they are

**_No. When I see stars, when I see,_**

 ** _When I see stars, that's all they are_**

 ** _When I hear songs, they sound like a swan, so come on !_**

 ** _Oh come on !_**

Yaku has been gone for five months. Kuroo didn't say a thing, because he's too engrossed in his little fantasy where Kenma and him live a happy, sheltered, parent-free life – everything he needed, after the life he had before the war, but at what cost ?

"I'm going out."

"Yeah, see you soon."

Kuroo could at least comment that nobody goes out with their weight in bags over their shoulders but _hey,_ he hasn't been the smartest since the war started. Lev silently says goodbye to Kenma, because Kenma would be harder to deal with if he saw them leave – thankfully he's in the back room, dealing with some shady resistance guy that has _no chill_ and looks more ferocious than the dogs crawling in the streets.

Yaku has been gone for five months and a day.

oo

Yaku has been gone for three months when Lev realises Kuroo is wrong. He's not coming back, or else he would have a long time ago, and it only hits them when they see Inuoka's body in the tiny _tiny_ grave. Yaku's grave would be just as small and there's probably no one to dig it for him.

oo

Silence greets Lev wherever they go, but they're not about to give up, when someone says they saw Yaku somewhere not very far from the outskirts of the city.

It turns out to be Nishinoya. How the hell can people confuse these two, Lev wonders, how can people say he's the idiot with his stupid smile and his long long legs. Nishinoya doesn't really recognise them, but it's ok, Noya was quite young when they left Kiyoko's shelter place and Lev hadn't been here for long anyway. Kenma's place was quiet and full of other cats, at least. Flexible, quiet, patient cats.

Maybe Lev is not as much of a cat as they thought they were.

oo

Come on, come on, _just a little bit more_ , ignore the tugging, that's it – Yaku is finally free from the barbed wire and Lev exhales shakily, a sigh mixed with a laugh of relief. It's too late to ask if first names are ok.

"I found you, Morisuke."

Yaku had to be so damn heavy, with his 40 kilos. And so damn cold, too, dripping wet from the rain and who knows what fell on his body while he was tangled up there.

oo

It hurts, it hurts so much to actually drag Yaku up the building to sit on the roof, but Lev doesn't regret when they're greeted by the stars.

"There are so many, now that most lights are out. Even here, in the city, it's-"

It's amazing, it's beautiful, it's dark, too, distant stars looking down on them and wondering why they deemed necessary to launch a war along with the Curiosity Space Project.

"People are dumb."

Yaku has been gone for seven month and three days. Exhales, shaky breaths, it's really cold out there on the roof of the building, but Lev lost long ago the ability to decide if the cold was coming from within or what was around them. Maybe both.

Lev didn't think a human body could survive so long with a cut so deep. Even Hinata had to stop jumping up and down at one point, tiny rivers of dried blood everywhere on his face and arms, and a skin so pale Kenma had actually drawn every vein he could find with a blue marker. It had stayed on for days, and kids were very afraid of Hinata, calling him "the small monster" – it hurts to laugh, it makes something heavy and gooey rumble in their lungs, but Lev can't stop. Yaku is just as cold as before but Lev is burning, fever and everything they hadn't thought about before, the flu and the exhaustion and the tension flooding their body with a lead-like feeling that Lev just can't shake.

oo

Lev has been gone for one month, three week, five days and some more hours, probably, they didn't really look at a clock when they stormed out of the building after their fight with Kageyama, and Yaku is scolding them like he never had – shaking, desperate, hands everywhere from their face to their hair to their arms and it's a little bit too much, after so long lost in the sewers and only the rats to talk to.

This time, and only this time, Yaku lets them sleep in the same bed, because Lev won't stop shaking either, and they need the warmth. Such a great excuse, Kuroo mutters, but he's in no place to speak with how long it took him to ask Kenma out. Now that Lev thinks about it, they never asked Yaku out, and Yaku didn't either. Lev could whisper it, very low, so Yaku can't hear a thing and say no.

Maybe they're on the same page for once because Yaku is speaking nonsense in their ear, about Lev being too young and too silly to really understand that he's going to leave for good, some day, break all his promises, and Yaku can't do this, not to them.

* * *

(if you care at all, the "no chill" Resistance guy is Kyoutani and he gets along pretty well with Kenma, actually) (if anyone reading this ships them too please write something I need more rare pair content ;_; ) (also I'm sorry Lev)


	14. Ten years of this

I'm listening to Can't Hug Every Cat as I'm writing this chapter. I know the lyrics by heart. Send help. It's not even the right team what am I doing with my life.

* * *

 **_Well, that is it guys, that is all – five minutes in and I'm bored again_**

 **_Ten years of this, I'm not sure if anybody understands_**

"Tsukishima isn't coming either, so it's alright if you stay here."

"I know, Kindaichi, I know. It's not like I'm going to talk to him, though, you know he doesn't like anyone but Yamaguchi."

"True. But I'm not leaving you all alone. There's still him if need be."

"Very reassuring."

"Tadashi's an actual angel. If they like Tsukishima, the guy can't be _that_ bad."

"Can we stop talking about Tsukishima ? We haven't had a night to ourselves in a very long time."

Akira would laugh out loud at the mere idea of talking to Tsukishima without Yamaguchi to mediate. But the night is still young, people must be awake, and the walls are paper thin – they already got complaints about too loud snoring once and it's not a thing they want to repeat. Kindaichi is pressed against his chest, and wiggles his hips with a giggle. If he keeps repeating "we have aaaall night if you want to" while pressing kisses to his jaw, Akira thinks they might give up and have sex after all, the noise be damned.

"I know what you're thinking about." Kindaichi's words are slurred together. "And we're already half naked. We might as well go for it !"

"Don't talk about it like it's as simple as going grocery shopping."

"When did you last do this ?! Grocery shopping, I mean."

All right, Akira hasn't done this for years, because the shops all closed and raiding the army for protein bars isn't done with a fancy bag in hand.

"Don't talk about it like goodbye sex, then."

This one is kind of low, but effective. Kindaichi stops dead in his tracks and manages to look more hurt than caught red-handed. Oh well, Akira thinks, he's not going for a pity fuck tonight.

"You're saying this like I'm not going to survive," Kindaichi sighs.

"Are you ?"

"Hell yes I am ! They're not stopping me from coming back to you."

"Didn't know you were a liar."

"You're supposed to say I'm a sap, not crush every single sentence I say…"

"And ignore the blatant lie that is you not coming back here without being either _dead_ of chased by a flock of soldiers ?"

Kindaichi looks like he is about to protest, but he's never been good at arguing, especially when he's angry and horny and sad at the same time, so Akira shuts him up.

" _Don't even think_ about telling me it won't be that dangerous. You're new to this whole _Resistance_ business," and Akira's voice is filled with bitterness, "you don't even know how to properly fire a gun. And you're telling me you'll be back alive ? I'm not even sure crossing the road is safe ! How can you look at me in the eye and tell me you'll be back from whatever _suicide mission_ you're heading towards and then ask me for goodbye sex like it'll fix everything ?!"

Kindaichi says nothing, Akira's voice has grown louder and louder and he's almost shouting the last words. Kindaichi says nothing as Akira untangles himself from him, getting up to fetch a glass of water, sitting back on the bed with a sigh.

"I didn't even know you could shout."

"Yeah, because I'm a cold-hearted person, and even a fucking nuclear war isn't enough to get a rise out of me."

"Hey, shut up. Come here."

oo

Akira barely has the time to apologise between kisses and Yuutarou is gone, hands clapping on Tadashi's like they weren't around his waist last night – where they belong, to ground him and make him forget that his space engineering degree got wasted in bomb making and army stuff.

When the soldier grabs Yuutarou and shoves him in the van, it feels like some twisted payback.


	15. Who the fuck wants to die alone

Hello ! I have up until chapter 17 out of 18 written now, I'm so excited to finish this fanfic !

I have special trigger warnings for this chapter : drug mention (it's light, there is no drug use) and a very light, 5 word long, abuse mention in the 1st paragraph. It's really not much but in case it makes you uncomfortable or triggers you, skip it and stay safe.

I hope you enjoy !

* * *

 **_This one is not for the folks at home;_**

 **_Sorry to leave, mum, I had to go_**

 **_Who the fuck wants to die alone all dried up in the desert sun?_**

When Kuroo comes back to him, purple bruises and half his hair gone and all bones ( _what happened, who did this, weren't Kuroo's parents finally dead ?_ ), Kenma feels like he can breathe for the first time in months – through the panic attacks, the bombs, the lack of food and the death of anyone ( _even if the nights are cold, so cold without Kuroo, Kenma never wants to leave him again_ ).

"I'm here, I'm here, I'm here."

Kuroo whines in his sleep and takes ages to heal, to put on some weight and not look like a skeleton anymore, to smile at him weakly one day and _finally_ say "I love you" like Kenma hasn't known for the past five years ( _but it's_ _so_ _good to hear, it's like heaven to kiss him back_ ).

When half of the street is wrecked and Terushima died the week before in a pubic execution, who would blame him for trying to save when he can ? ( _Kenma will let no one tell him that what he's doing is bad – he knows already, he'll gladly take the blame_ )

oo

"Hello, what can I do for you."

It's barely a question, he hasn't even raised his head to greet the customer. Kenma is too tired for this, but customers don't mind. They're here for the meds, or the drugs, or the info Kenma can sell, not to sweet talk the cute cashier ( _no one sees Hinata, Kenma keeps him hidden in the backyard, or with Kuroo, with the things he wants to save_ ), not because it's cheap, but because it's the only shop around ( _they don't have the choice,_ _Kenma made sure of th_ _at_ ). There's a sharp intake of breath-

"Kenma ?!"

Bokuto's eyes are as wide as saucers ( _please_ _don't say anything, don't comment, don't talk about the small bag of_ _ecstasy_ _on the counter or Snatcher that left the shop as you entered_ ), but Akaashi thankfully silences them and asks Kenma for a place to sleep.

"Sure. I have some rooms in the back. Kuroo will be happy to see you."

No shame, Kenma tells himself, there is no shame in doing what's best for him ( _then why did he refuse to sell Hinata when it would obviously bring_ _in_ _a whole lot of money, then why does he agree to feed two newcomers for the sake of being friends before_ _this_ _hell began ?_ ).

oo

"Kenma ?"

Kuroo's voice is tiny, so tiny, like he'll be scolded for actually asking his question, and Kenma sighs.

"D'you think Kou is ok ?"

"I don't know. We haven't heard of him, though."

And it's good, it means there's probably no corpse to talk about, that Bokuto did find Akaashi and is living with them somewhere far away ( _where Bokuto's eyes can't follow him as he leaves the shop to see the local dealer because he is out of drug, as he sells coke to a fifteen-year-old boy, as he lies to Kuroo about the blue pills he takes to sleep_ ).

"Do you think we should look out for him ?"

"Did he want you to ?"

That makes Kuroo thinks, and he looks so young again, so small and so unsure ( _Kenma let everyone go and now that Kuroo_ _realises_ _, he'll ask questions and_ cry _and be_ angry _and-_ )

"It's ok, Kenma, I'm not leaving."

( _but_ _what if_ _one_ _day he wants to-_ )

oo

The only good things his parents ever did for him was owning a pharmacy, and Kenma is grateful for that – there is a shrine in the back room, and he always prays when he has the time. Some names have been added, Inuoka, Terushima, Yaku, more and more names ( _he'll probably outlive them all, holed up in his shop, it's not as comforting as it should be_ ).

Kuroo recoiled when Kenma asked him whether or not he'd take sleeping pills, to silence the nightmares ( _not everyone is fit for running away_ ). Kuroo threw up when Kenma swung his knife at the thug that tried to raid his shop – "Kenma, he's bleeding, he needs help ! Why won't you help ?" ( _because he's not us and that's enough of a reason_ ). It's a new name on the shrine, a new light out in Kuroo's eyes. Blue pills. Kenma goes to sleep as if nothing happened.


	16. My heart is breaking

Guess who's killing their baes again ? Meeeee

* * *

 _ **My heart is breaking for my sister**_

 _ **And the con that she called love**_

"Two kids with baseball bats", Ukai had said back at the shelter – what a joke. They're here, though, Chikara and Ryuu, in front of the building with its fancy guards. Two angry kids.

"Chikara."

Ryuu isn't trying to say anything, like when they really were children and they just held out their hand for Chikara to take. Chikara clangs his bat on the ground, but doesn't go away.

"Let's go !"

oo

"Hey, big sis, who's the woman on the picture ? She kinda looks like you."

"Cause it's mum, you silly !"

"I don't remember her."

"Dad and her left when you were two, but they liked us veeery much."

"We had a _dad_ , too ?"

"Ryuu, everyone has parents somewhere, even us."

"Narita says he doesn't have a dad, only a mum."

"His dad left when he was very very small, and then his mum had to leave too."

"Like our mum and dad ?"

"Yeah, Ryuu, like our mum and dad."

oo

The bats are just for show. Or maybe to defend themselves if they're not stealthy enough. Chikara is sure they won't be stealthy enough. Ryuu disagrees. But still, the most important thing is the oil container and the box of matches.

"He's here. Third row, blue eyes, stupid spiky hair. And very small."

"Thanks, Chikara. I see the bastard. You can- you can go, I'll manage."

"Nah, you won't, I know you. I'm staying."

"But-"

"Ryuu. I'm staying with you."

oo

There's a picture on the ground, then another, then blood, and for once Tanaka isn't the one rushing forth without thinking about anything past the danger ahead and the chance to break, crush, smash, hit first.

"Ryuu, I'm not sure you want to enter the room right now."

"Daichi. Daichi, something is burning."

"Don't enter. At least, let us clean up first."

Chikara is hugging them – something is wrong, wrong, _there's the picture of their mother on the ground and it's covered in blood_.

oo

It took months to find them. A flock of crows – like them, _just like them_ – a gang of scavengers and garbage-peckers, a bit more organised. A bit more violent.

"Are you sure that these are the ones that killed Saeko ?"

"Who else would be selling photograph paper."

Plenty of people, really. Ryuu just feels like it could be them – is tired of looking for some small guy ruling a gang that killed their sister for some paper because it's worth _a lot_. Hell, they would have done the same. Without the guns and the gasoline – _and the scorching smell and the cries and the shouts and the emptiness_ – but still. Ryuu tells themselves they understand.

"Ryuu, that is a lot of people to take down."

"Not really looking for a way to kill them all, y'know."

They're tired of payback being the reason they're walking around.

oo

Saeko's grave is small – _there's not much to bury_ , it's a _mess_ – and the funeral oration is short – they're not good at talking. It's shitty, Ryuu admits, it's like they have nothing to do with this piece of charcoal and they'd rather not look at it and think "It's my sister right here".

"Chikara told me."

Daichi's voice is raspy, maybe he's holding back tears. They're still children, baby crows, Ukai said.

"We'll never get too far from the base, in case, you know."

In case they're alive and they come back.

"You know Chikara'll come with you."

"He shouldn't. I'm getting into this shit alone."

Ryuu's voice is downright scratchy, burning their throat. They haven't talked in five days.

"Like you can stop me from coming with you."

"Didn't know you were dumb, Chikara."

"You're one to talk."

oo

It's finally burning, after the satisfying _crack_ of the match and the _whoosh_ of the air rushing _up_ with the flames. Chikara high fives them in silence, they get out the door, a bit giddy, and a lot less scared.

The fire is out in minutes. Lack of air, quickly found out, anything and everything to make it look _precisely_ as pointless as it is – "Are you happy, now ?", Chikara says, and hits Ryuu on the head when they say that yeah, this is good, they can come back home now.

"You made me walk halfway through Tokyo for this shit."

"Yeah."

They're grinning so wide it hurts, so wide their lips might break, so wide they have to close their eyes, and they feel the burn of the tears on their cheeks chase away the smell of the smoke lingering in their nose.


	17. Some terrible nights

Just one more chapter and it's already written down ! These were parts I really wanted to write, too, so I hope you like them.

* * *

 ** _When I look into my nephew's eyes…_**

 **_Man, you wouldn't believe the most amazing things that can come from_**

 **_Some terrible nights…_**

It's Takeru. With longer hair, longer nails, dirt everywhere – _everywhere_ , Tooru almost can't look. _He must look worse_. He has to, though, because he needs to give the Snatchers their money, and look at Takeru without recognising him too much. His nephew is very clever, as Tooru thought he'd turn out, not behaving at all like he wants to go but not looking too reluctant either. Or maybe he's just too apathetic to react to being _bought_ , he doesn't know – Tooru _doesn't want_ to know.

"When we're out of this we run, ok, Takeru ?"

Takeru runs so, _so_ slow, legs slim as twigs, heaves a breath like he'll never do it again when they stop running, and sits on Tooru when they both can't make a step further.

"You're heavy !"

"You're my uncle, don't complain."

oo

"What the fuck is this ?"

"Rude, Iwa-chan, you don't look into people's bag without asking first."

"That's a shit ton of money, Oikawa. What the fuck would you need _five hundred_ for ?"

"Have you seen the state of my knee ? Meds are expensive."

"You don't take any meds."

"Put this money back where you found it and maybe I will."

oo

Hajime is going to kill him. It must be well past midnight, Tooru left without his knife or the bat, but with all their money. And he's back with a child, of all things. Tooru left without saying anything, without leaving any note, while Hajime was out to empty the trash can. Takeru started snoring some time ago, lulled to sleep by the sway of Tooru's shoulders, but he'll likely eat two protein bars that they _don't have_ \- Hajime is going to kill him.

oo

"Iwa-chan, you look really angry today !"

"Stop being loud, you're annoying."

"Iwa-chan… you're walking really slow."

"Have you seen the state of your knee ? Of course we're going slow."

" _I_ 'm going slow. You can walk pretty fast, actually."

"Shut up, Assikawa. We're going slow."

oo

Tooru's rehearsed little speech dies on his lips when he sees Hajime.

Hajime should be angry. _S_ _eething_. Should have left complaining about how he stuck with an idiot for too damn long. Or thanking the idiot for finally getting a clue and leaving.

"It's Takeru, right ? The bed is clean, you can put him here. There's food in my bag."

Hajime looks tired, like he hasn't slept in three days. He probably hasn't. Tooru has been gone for three days and didn't sleep much either. Hajime looks _relieved_ , it seems almost painful, like he spent three days collecting more food than Tooru has seen in years without knowing if there would be someone to share it with. Tooru can't imagine the look on his own face right now.

"You look stupid, Shittykawa, close your mouth. I got painkillers from the shady pharmacy."

oo

"What would you do if you found your nephew ? You know we can't walk around with a kid these days."

"I know, Hajime. I just- I want him back, you know ? His mother is still alive in the West district."

"Oh. That sounds like a plan We'll keep walking then."

"Hajime…"

"Ew, you're crying ! It looks ugly."

"Mean, Iwa-chan !"

oo

Tooru's sister looks more than relieved, holding Takeru so fiercely he feels the need to look away- "They killed dad, right ?" Takeru asks, and yeah, they did, Takeru only nods like he's nine but has a better understanding of life and death than any of them.

Maybe it's an accident, maybe it was planned, maybe it was a fight. Tooru and Hajime were way looking for food. The house is a charcoal-black mess when they come back, and Tooru's knee gives up just before he reaches the front door.

oo

"Why the fuck didn't you let me hit this guy ?"

"Iwa-chan, I thought you would understand, considering I kind of kissed him. A lot. And said 'I love you' half a dozen times. You're not that dense, are you ?"

"You've never talked about him."

"Why would I, Iwa-chan, I have you !"

"And him, now."

"Yeah. Well, maybe I can forget this shitty situation, be a little selfish and have you both."

"You are so full of yourself, Shittykawa."

"We live in hope, Hajime."

oo

Hajime catches him before he is out the door, this time, and Tooru smiles.

"I'm not going to cry, since my face is too ugly for that."

"Shut up, Tooru. You didn't even take food, how are you supposed to live more than a day out there ?"

"I'm just going back to the city. There's plenty of food there."

"You're going to look for him, too ? Suga."

Hajime doesn't look upset – why is he never upset ? Tooru wants to hit him. Maybe kiss him after that.

"Probably. In a couple of years. You know how slow I can walk."

"We better get going, then."


	18. It's for the best you didn't listen

This is the last chapter ? I shouldn't be surprised, I'm the one writing, but wow. My first multichap. And I've finished it. Thank you so much to everyone that left a review, a favourite or a follow, it really makes me happy to know some people enjoy what I wrote.

* * *

 ** _The other night you wouldn't believe the dream I just had about you and me_**

 **_I called you up but we'd both agree_**

 **_It's for the best you didn't listen_**

 **_It's for the best we get our distance…_**

Tobio thinks they can hear someone calling their name but Hinata is walking in front of them, so where the _hell_ did it come from ? Who would know their name and say it loud enough for them to notice and _actually_ engage in a conversation ?

"Kageyama. Kageyama ! Oi, idiot, stop daydreaming ! Someone was saying your name. We should check. Might be someone from the Resistance."

But _nobody_ they know from the Resistance would ever bother talking to them while they were still in it, why would now be different ?

Tsukishima is on the ground, bleeding _a whole lot_ through his sweater, and maybe that changes things.

oo

"Training, again ?"

"Well, yeah, I need to train, there's a raid soon."

They don't even know what the raid is about but Tobio would be damned if they weren't picked to go with the team because of their lack of training. Ukai had made it pretty clear he wanted zero casualties on this one – unlike the previous one with Futakuchi and Aone and Koganegawa and all the _blood_ – Tobio doesn't have to think about it too much when Hinata is excitedly bouncing up and down and making all sorts of weird noises of excitement.

"Where do you even live ? You're not from around here."

"I am, though ! I live at the drug store."

"You're never outside."

"Kenma says it's dangerous."

There's blood on their shoes and Tobio can barely look at their hands anymore in case there's blood on them too. They're firing bullets accurately enough to shoot a soldier from the top of a building. They did shoot a soldier from the top of a building, once.

"It is. Still."

"Yeah. I wish I could just go away."

And then there are guns being fired, Hinata is smiling and saying "Well now sounds like a good time !" and, just like this, he _is_ running away, and Tobio's taking his hand like _of course_ they always meant to follow him. Maybe that's where it all starts.

oo

"What do you mean Yamaguchi is dead ?"

Tsukishima's voice is quivering, so very weak that Tobio can barely hear a thing he says, but he's losing way too much blood to make it out alive so Tobio actually sits and listens, for once.

Tobio listens to Tsukishima saying he fucked up, not leaving the Resistance after Yachi died, not stopping Tadashi from training, not caring enough and caring too much at the same time. Tobio can't remember when Tsukishima started crying but it washes some of the dirt on his face and they can see how sunken in his cheeks are.

"Tadashi was nice – they were too nice for this-"

"Yeah," Tobio agrees, because it's true, and Tsukishima seems appeased. "They were really nice."

"I love them."

"I know."

Tadashi probably knew, and refused to believe it, and left those damn sweet-smelling candles at Tsukishima's place like it was the most they could do for him without being a bother.

"I'm sure they know, too."

Tsukishima's frown eases a bit more, his sobs are dying down, _he is dying_ , Tobio feels like shit.

oo

Futakuchi and Koganegawa went down, two red-stained blobs on the pavement, Tobio is sure they won't get up again but Aone is still standing, tall, intimidating and armed to the teeth. They're not sure who sees the soldier first but they all fire their guns at the same time, and time freezes. Aone's empty guns fire uselessly at the ground, Tobio's bullet misses the soldier by a full meter, and the soldier fails spectacularly. Adrenaline is making them shake, Tobio can't afford that. They won't mess up this time – shit shit shit – and they're almost out of ammo – _shit shit shit_ – there's only one thing left to do.

Aone has already turned his face to the sky.

"If you know you can't make it," Ukai said, voice harsh, "just stop walking and shout something. The snipers'll take care of it."

Aone's voice is so loud, so loud in their ears, the whole neighbourhood must have heard him.

This time Tobio doesn't miss – one bullet, two bullets, two more blobs on the ground, they're still shaking.

oo

Eventually, Hinata takes the hint, and his small hands join Tobio's around Tsukishima's body, like a weird three-people hug that's doing a crappy job at warming up any of them. Tsukishima tenses – _who is this_ _what_ _is that what is he doing_ inner monologue that Tobio knows too well – but Hinata starts talking and it gets better.

"Sooo, you left the Resistance then ? Good job. Do you know how long it took me to make their ass quit ? For-ev- _er_ and three dead comrades. You seem to be on the smarter side, at least !"

Tsukishima raised an eyebrow in a way that is so definitely his usual snarky self that Tobio starts smirking too. Hinata always makes things better.

"I thought they'd leave on their own, too, once. It was scary. Because there was so much left to say, y'know ? And I wouldn't have even started a bit. When you're up there, make it up to them."

"There's no afterlife, that's for small kids to think about. Everybody would be there otherwise."

"I'm not a kid ! I bet I'm older than you anyway."

"He is," Tobio supplies, and Tsukishima pales even more.

"What the hell. Dwarves are growing up so fast these days."

Tsukishima is snickering and it's making him cough blood _everywhere_ on the three of them – _what the hell how can Hinata not pull a face_ – but he's not shivering so much now – this is _bad_.

oo

"D'you think they suffered ?"

Hinata can't answer this question, Tobio knows this, but they had to ask.

"I know the Resistance gives us cyanide pills in case we- for if we get caught, but d'you think Yamaguchi had the time-"

"I don't know, Kageyama. I think they did, they're clever."

They had all laughed about this, "One-bite death in our pockets". Tobio hopes there was some truth behind that.

oo

"D'you think they suffered ?"

"Probably not, Tsukishima. They were prepared- and they were not alone, too, you told me Kindaichi got in there with them."

"Yeah, but. I wanted to make sure they wouldn't suffer."

Several answers cross Tobio's mind – _why don't you t_ _ake care of yourself first_ , _you're no good at this apparently_ , _what gives you the right to complain so much_ , they know this is not what they're supposed to say.

"It's very kind of you," Hinata whispers, and Tobio is glad he's here to answer the questions they can't understand.

"An orange gnome is telling me _I_ 'm nice. I must truly be dying."

Hinata grins, widely, hold Tsukishima's hand until he stops moving, pries Tobio's fingers from his sweater, kisses them, and walks them to their next shelter without a word.


End file.
